Needs a Ray of Hope and Prayers

Well some of you may already know that I am expecting our 4th baby.  In fact very few of you know because I have been very quite about it because of my history of miscarriage and not letting myself get attached yet.  I finally felt attached to this little peanut last Tuesday when I got to see him/her bouncing around in a sonogram.  It amazes me how much at only 11 weeks it looks like a little baby already.  Well I am 12 weeks, very attached and things look good with the baby but not so good with me carrying to term. Baby's heart rate was 153 and very active.  I went to a new specialist in town and when talking about my preterm labor and history he said he is happy to see women like me get to 32 weeks. And apparently it gets riskier with each surgery I have to have to keep this little one from coming too soon.  I am having "mommy guilt" right now because this was a planned pregnancy and if I don't carry to at least 32 weeks where the baby is viable I will feel like I was being selfish in wanting another kiddo knowing that my body just doesn't work very well for this. My wish to carry a baby to term and leave the hospital a couple of days with the baby in my arms seems to be just a dream.  I am very blessed that even though they come early they are very healthy and happy kids.   Which means this is our last little one. 

I would appreciate prayers light a candle or do whatever it is you do when someone is needing divine intervention.  I know that Gods will, will be done with or without prayers but it never hurts to pray a little.  I was hoping to carry this little one to term but now I want to make it to 32 weeks at least.  I am scheduled for surgery Thursday morning.  It is an outpatient surgery and a day of rest and relaxation but after that I can resume normal light activity.